Once More Unto the Breach

I had an epiphany the other day.  I was listening to music and cleaning and it occured to me again that I have too many hobbies.  Of course, when I say hobbies, what I mean is there are a lot of things that I'd like to do, but never do.  Because I'm lazy, and when my mind gets overwhelmed with lots of little things, I tend to shut down and not do anything at all.  I feel bad about that of course, so I found a way to do something I won't feel as bad about but won't actually require any real work.  Do you want to know what that something is?

Please tell me.  I'm intrigued

I decided to start a blog.  Again.  I've tried this before.  And it didn't work.  But I read too many Cracked.com articles and thought, "hey, I can do this crap too!"  And so once more unto the breach? 

The obvious problem is that I don't have anything to blog about.  There's nothing remotely interesting that's going on for me to talk about.  My last blog was strictly about God, and while that was a good thing, I didn't update it often enough to gain much interested.  So, what if I made it about . . . whatever I felt like?

AHHH!  Fall Out Boy just came on my laptop!  *mad scramble to change the song ensues*  Why do I even have that song on here?

Ahem.

So, now I'm blogging about starting a blog, and there's a chance that someone might even read that.  Why do we the most to say about the most ridiculous things?  And defend them like a knight defending his sister's honor?  The Internet is so angerful over the most silly things, I could start a vicious comment war with a single picture.  That means that the writer has a great power.  As Spiderman can tell you, with great power comes great responsibility.  I would never use my powers to cause people to fight over something that is ultimately unimportant.  Ever.

I lied.

This won't be all mundane and ridiculous.  I'll be sure to put in some important points and some things worth reading.  While I'm at it, though, I can  throw in every subject under the sun.  That's freedom of speech, suckers.  This is what our ancestors fought and died to grant us.  I'm using their sacrifice and hard work to improve the world . . . by writing this blog . . . with . . . the liberties they died . . . . . .

Ahem.  Moving on.

And we'll set a goal of publishing one post a week.  See how I said "we"?  What I'm doing right there is emotionally involving you in this blog.  Now, you're tied to my success and failure. You will have to wish me the best, because if I fail, your investment of time and emotion will be all for naught and this waste will haunt you for the rest of your life.  Your frivolous free time now belongs to me.

This is you, emotionally involved.

Now that you're emotionally invested, I probably shouldn't tell you that I'm not good at keeping up with projects that I start.  I should also probably not tell you that my wife will almost certainly tell me that I don't have time for this kind of nonsense, and she would be absolutely right.  Also, I don't really like blogs and this kind of thing myself, so I may realize my hypocrisy and quit at any moment.  I also don't know how to blog.  Or be funny.  Am I supposed to tell you that the title of this blog is both a reference to the BBC show Top Gear (as is my URL) and cleverly also applicable to me as well, or let you discover on your own?  Because things are funnier when you figure them out yourself.  Nobody wants to be that guy who has to explain every joke.

Get it?  Cause, see, she doesn't know any facial expressions.

I hear you asking what you've gotten yourself into.  That question is too little, too late.  You're stuck in this journey with me.  You will have to follow me now.  I know some of you think that you can resist the urge to read my next post.  But that's because I haven't unleashed my ultimate weapon.  The most devasting people-gathering and staying weapon known to the internet.  Are you prepared for it?  I don't think that you are.  You don't realize what is coming.  How could you?  Brace yourself for the irresistable . . .

#funnycats.  The trap is set.

. . . cute cat picture.  The Internet is mine.