Christian Hipsters

The Christian Hipster

I'm not going to go into what a hipster is in detail.  Most everyone should know what a hipster is by now.  A hipster is a person that thinks that they are countercultural and anti-mainstream (that's a word now.  As a writer, I definitely have the power to do that), but are actually defined by that very mainstream they seek to defy.

If you don't know what a hipster is, check out http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster.  I particularly like the part where they say, "Definitions are too mainstream.  Hipster's can't be defined because then they'd fit in a category, and thus be too mainstream."

It's really not fair to make fun of people who try very hard to show that they are unaffected by the "mainstream".  It's obvious to most of us that there are many groups that worry waaaaaay too much what other people think about them because they have a philosophy that tries so hard to be non-comformist.  But it's a trap that's so easy to fall into.

Pictured:  People, not conforming.

Enough about subcultures that everyone knows about.  Really, you want to know what I mean by "Christian Hipster".

Actually, I was wondering if you would have the obligatory funny cat picture at some point.

"Christian Hipster" is a phrase that I coined the other day and I claim the daylights out of it.  I also said that "Thursday is the gateway to Friday", and I claim all of that too.  Basically, I want a quarter every time someone says it.

A Christian Hipster is someone who tries to be defined by how awesome of a Christian they are.  The easiest way to explain this is by giving examples.  A Christian might wear jeans to church.  A Christian Hipster will wear jeans to make a statement.  A Christian might get a tattoo.  A Christian Hipster will get a tattoo hoping that someone will point out that the Bible outlaws tattoos, just so they have an opportunity to prove that person wrong and themselves smarter.

The Book of Leviticus can totally make you look cool

This is the kind of person who would put four wise men in their nativity scene just so someone will object and they can tell them to go read the book of Matthews again, because nowhere does it say that there were three kings that visited the baby Jesus.  Who was probably almost two years old, by the way. 

I need to stop here and explain something to any non-Christians reading this.  The truth is, all Christians act hypocritical sometimes.  Our entire faith is based on the principle that mankind is hopelessly broken and only God can help us.  We know that we make mistakes and that we aren't good people.  Our entire faith would be rendered unnecessary if there were any "good" people--someone who was perfect.  So know that just because someone is doing these things, it doesn't make them not a Christian, just a jerk.

Although, to be honest, some Christian Hipsters aren't Christians.  I was one of those people.  My family didn't go to church or talk about God very much, but I was encouraged to read the Bible and for that, I'm thankful.  So I did read it.  I actually got to be quite knowledgeable.  So, when I was around church-going people and they were wrong about some of the finer points of "our" faith, I thought they were hypocritical sheeple.  Except I would never actually say "sheeple" at risk of punching myself in my own face. 

They keep on eating, while Big Grass rakes in the profits from their naivety

Then one day I was reading a book that had a point that really hit home.  It said in paraphrase, that if you believe Jesus is Christ God, then it should affect every single part of your life every single second.  I knew that because I read my Bible, but oops.  

Look at this book, trying so hard to be cool.  Whatever.

So, the book I snickered at for it's cover and "teen-friendly" style ended up being the tool God used to open my eyes.  I was not a Christian, because I didn't care about God in the least.  A Christian is both a slave of God and a child of God, a heir to heaven, and I was neither even in the slightest.  To some people, Christianity is just emotional, to some just intellectual.  Neither group is right--there has to be a balance.

The thing that the Christian Hipster forgets is expressed perfectly in 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether then you eat or drink, do all to the glory of God".  In context this verse is dealing with more mature or just more knowledgeable Christians who were upsetting other Christians with what they were doing although they were perfectly in their right to do that.  Paul, the writer of this letter says that a Christian needs to think about how their actions will affect others first.  It's not a question of what we're allowed to do--it's a matter of what glorifies God the most.  Will what I'm about to do, even though I'm allowed to do it, hurt someone?  Will it shake their faith?  Will it cause them to stumble?  

Will it make you look like a pretentious jerk?

That's what  a Christian Hipster is, and what the problem is with that attitude.  It's easy to get sucked into, especially for young Christians in college.  Have you ever met a college student who didn't know everything better than older people?  

Sorry to go on such a long post about something like this, that many people may not be able to identify with.  You may be wondering why I even think about something like this.  I don't know, things just come to mind every now and then and I feel like sharing them.

Incidentally, I work at a Christian college . . . . .

Tell me this wasn't worth reading all of that.

Four Ways To Break My Neck

One of the most important things for me is to have some kind of sport to participate in regularly.  It's exercise and competition (even if it's just against myself).  Of course, it's hard to get a group of people together when most of my friends have responsibilities of their own, like work and school to deal with.  Also, wives and children.  Them too.

And so, without team sports, I'm left with only individual sports.  I've tried a medley of them in the past and here's my top four future ways to break my neck:

 1--Parkour

The art and science of running from the cops

Parkour is the French art of running away.  And because nobody has historically done this better than the French, you can imagine they've perfected it.  Parkour is all about flow, the effortless transition of movement over obstacles.  There is nothing that can compare to the feeling of hurtling yourself full speed at an obstacle to cleanly and smoothly flow right over it and never even slow down.

Basically, it makes you feel like a small child again.  Like a small child, you're turning everything around you into a playground of your own.  Also like a small child, you occasionally come home crying covered with scrapes and bruises because you thought that you could "totally make that jump, man."

When you do parkour, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself waking up to find that you're drooling on the sidewalk.  And then, there's nothing to do but pick up your teeth and and try that double kong vault over the two railings again.  Because you can totally do this, man.

2--Rollerblading

This is some hardcore stuff right here

I know what you're thinking.  You don't know why you started reading this post.  And now that you've gotten halfway through it, you figure you might as well get to the end.  It becomes almost a chore--but if you've committed this much, you might as well finish the stupid thing, right?  If it makes you feel better, I'll leave you a treat at the halfway point.  Eh?  Better?

Or, you may have been thinking that rollerblading is kind of a softy sport.  You may picture children and very . . . em . . . feminine men blissfully rolling by with a big carefree smile on their face.  And you would be right.  Now, know that one of my hobbies when I was young was to invent a sport or a sport league with my brother and compete with ourselves and our imaginary fellow athletes.  And in a situation like that, nothing is blissful.  This was a professional athletic competition, after all.

During high school, I was a big fan of downhill rollerblading.  That consists of rocketing down streets dodging cars, pedestrians, and the odd animal while going faster than cars on the same street.  Sliding around corners and leaving black marks on the road from the brakes when you come to an intersection at the same time a car does.  Because, in the world of rollerblading, car beats rollerblader beats small child.  And that's why this is inherently dangerous.  Because although the world accepts (in my case, extremely begrudgingly and with a crazed, homicidal glean in my eye while I'm driving) the need to share the road with bicyclists--rollerbladers are never, ever welcome on the street.

2.5--As promised, treat at the halfway point

If you promise to keep reading, I promise another kitty before the end.  Deal?

3--Bouldering

Not pictured in any of these photos:  Me.

Bouldering is basically climbing boulders.  It's seeing a rock and saying, "You know what would make that rock better?  If I was standing on top of it."  It's the natural human instinct to crush nature under our feet and prove ourselves kings of the universe.  I live very close to the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia and one of my wife and I's hobbies is to drive around and go hiking on it.  Inevitably you come across some enormous rock formations and the natural call to be king of the rock is strong.  It's a very simple thing to do.  In fact, third after running and sex, it's the most basic exercise you can possibly do.  Actually, it should be the second most basic.  Have you seen how many books there are about running?

Step 1:  Find a pair of sexy shorts.

Of the four sports I name off here, this is the one that I've done the least of.  I love rock climbing, though, and I have done a little bit of bouldering.  Of course, the dangers of this sport should be obvious.  I suck at it, and there's a lot of potential for "vertically-induced pain".  Also known as smacking the ground from 20 feet up.

4--Mountain Biking

We'll say this is me.  With a convenient helmet.

Downhill mountain biking is just a blast.  I used to love my bike when I was young.  I rode it through our woods, made ramps with my brothers, and played cops and robbers with sticks and rocks.  You know it's serious when you try to pull a Pit maneuver on bikes.

I haven't ridden a bike for five years before last week.  The college that I work at (not for, at) decided that we should start paying for parking passes to park where we work.  It was a bit pricey, and I was feeling a bit indignant about the whole affair.  So, instead of paying for the close lot decal, I bought a bike with that money instead and paid for the further one.  Good exercise, right?

What I didn't know was that the other lot was not in the same county.  As a matter of fact, you need a stinking globe to see that lot.  I popped in a Teach Yourself Spanish CD when I drove off and by the time I got there, I was thinking and dreaming in Spanish.  I had to poach squirrel and rabbit to survive and drink from the fresh springs.  Eventually, I became at one with the mountain the campus resides on.  So, the logical next step is to go hurtling down it at breakneck speed with my new bike.  Sounds fun, right?

Oh, and I lied about the cat picture at the end.  I'll have that for you next post.  See what I did there, again?